Meeting of Minds

[mirroredcommand]

As requested, Pike arrived at Jim's quarters at eight. He felt far less at ease then he had earlier in the day, after things seemed to be going out of control with his bond mate. He had set a careful set of shields in his mind for this meeting, ones that he could raise and lower without allowing the ones that kept the bond quiet fall. It was not that he wanted to keep out Spock, but the constant source of headaches, in the most literal sense, would be a heavy distraction.

He pressed the buzzer outside the man's room, back straight. Without the ability to meld, he would instead work on the smallest basics first. He had worked with many students over the years, and with the help of his teacher, had only then been able to get into their minds. There was a lingering thought for her, the incredibly stern but well taught betazoid that had taught him how to shield himself.

Comments

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim nodded a few times, avidly taking all this in. It made sense--he'd seen the manifestation of the abstract in Spock's mind, and had guessed that these were not inherent qualities but constructs of the particular mind at work. It had fascinated him, that Spock had an entire visual structure for his inner workings, but it had helped Jim immensely when it came time to manipulate his own relationship with the younger captain. And Spock's starlit garden was a beautiful place.

"I understand," he said. "A mental construct loses some of its efficacy and flexibility if the association is too rigid."

[iron-command.livejournal.com]

Pike nodded once, "Exactly. Now, close your eyes and let your breathing even out. Lessen the amount of thoughts running through your mind. You'll never succeed in silencing them all, but push away as many as you can." He dared not to close his eyes during any of his classes, and he would not here.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

But Jim did close his eyes, without thought of protest. His face relaxed, open and trusting. Not all of that was naivete--part of his trust was trust in himself, in his instincts and his reactions.

He sought the feeling he found when speaking to Spock, when Spock's fingers found the meld points and he slipped into that state with ease. This was not the same, but he could use it as a model, the way moods could be altered by displaying the external signifiers of them. It was easier than it would have been months, or even weeks, ago. He had been in training without fully realizing it; an effort which had seemed pointless to him had gained a goal and with it, new meaning. He knew enough now not to try to clamp down on the thoughts that drifted across his consciousness but to let them go without protest.

[iron-command.livejournal.com]

Pike listened to Jim's breathing even out, his shoulders and face lose tension. After several minutes had passed, he spoke in a quiet voice meant not to disturb the state Jim had achieved. "Imagine a place that is your own. You may have seen a similar place inside of Spock, but this is not his place, only your own. It may be a place from your past, it could be something from nature, something inside a home, even the bridge of your ship. When you are there, there is no sense of concern or worry, no sense of anyone else but your own pure essence. You will find your bonds lead there."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

He might have expected it to be his ship. Or the farmhouse in Iowa. Someplace he knew intimately, a place he'd referred to in the past as "home."

The place Jim found as he slid deeper at Pike's urging was neither. In fact, it took him a moment to place it, to understand the familiarity of the open meadow with long, golden grass dotted with wildflowers and bounded about by blue mountains. It had been an unplanned shore leave, a respite on an uninhabited planet that nevertheless sustained bountiful life. It might have been on Earth, but Jim didn't know where. He'd happened upon the high meadow on a hike he'd taken by himself, coming through a pass in the hills to have his breath taken away by the beauty of the sight before him. The light suffused the air, bathing everything in a glow that did not hurt the eyes. Here, in his mind, shafts of sunlight beamed down, less distinct than a spotlight but firm enough in his perception of them. The bonds?

"Yes," he murmured, hoping that to speak aloud would not disrupt his own concentration any more than speaking to Spock in his mind did. This was his? He would not have guessed it, but here it was.

[iron-command.livejournal.com]

The desert was his mind, a stone fortress with a garden at its center, protected by the walls he had built. "Walk the perimeter of that place. Find where the natural boundaries are, where it would be defensible. Are there natural places where it could be defended, such as an ally, a doorway, a lone path, or is it solid and defenses must be built all the way around?"

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim struggled to maintain the balance between his subconscious and the imposition that was instinctive, knowing and seeing it now.

"There are... mountains. I suppose they could be scaled, but... there is a pass."

[iron-command.livejournal.com]

"Walls, mountains, and other similar mostly impassible objects are your minds natural defenses. The pass, and the roof above, are what you will have to learn to defend to being with." Pike thought back to several young men and women seated before him, deciding what to say next, "Sit down in that space, anywhere you want. In front of you, imagine a box. A box that's hollow, made of something you could not break by dropping it, stabbing it, burning it, or pouring acid on it. It doesn't have to be a solid box, but it has to keep everything out."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

[[OOC - ADAMANTIUM. Whoops, wrong universe.]]

Jim sat, the grass rustling around him. The obvious materials failed to coalesce before him; he seemed instinctively to realize that they were not operating in the physical world and he did not have to adhere to its laws. His conscious mind wished him to, but he fought it. Because nearly any material known to man could be got around. Energy, however, or something that could change its state, could be manipulated. But it still had to be something his mind understood.

With that, something like a force-field coalesced before him, vaguely rectangular but somehow unfixed. In this, and in the gentle swirl of color on it surface, it took something from Jim's experience of various gaseous/energy beings, like the Companion of Zefram Cochrane. One could reach into it, but it would admit no outside influence.

"A force-field," he murmured.

[iron-command.livejournal.com]

That was not an unusual choice for defenses, and his outer most shields were made of the same thing. "Now, you must take the corners of the box and pull them apart so the box grows in size. Make it large enough that you can stand inside the box."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

The exercise was just that for him--difficult and straining, but in a good, strengthening way. He did as instructed, trying not to think of his surprise over being able to do this at all, considering his previous failure at anything like meditation. Perhaps he was learning more than he thought, but to think too much on it would knock him out again.

The box grew under his hands as he rose them above his head, the colors swirling on the surface like oil on water.

"Should I?" he murmured, his voice distant.

[iron-command.livejournal.com]

"Attempt to step inside." This was often a difficult matter for most that sometimes took days, or even weeks to master. Once this was mastered, Jim would be able to move onto more difficult things, but this was a requirement.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

His straddling of those divides, between the conscious and unconscious, the mind and the body, was becoming more tenuous. Jim was starting to think too much, to grasp too strongly where gentleness was needed, and his attempt to pass through the field was met with resistance. When he tried to push against it with brute strength, it repulsed him utterly and he was thrown out of that space in his mind and his meditative state.

His eyes flew open, sweat beading on his brow. "Damn," he said sharply.

[iron-command.livejournal.com]

"No need," Pike had a small smirk playing over his lips, "You did better than many of my students have in the past." Jim had gotten quite far in one evening.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim was suddenly fatigued, as he often became after work like this. He seldom noticed the effort in the moment, but after he usually felt like a nap.

"I've had a lot of exercise lately," he said. "And I've been pretty determined where my Spock is concerned. Thank you."

[iron-command.livejournal.com]

"Good, you'll need that determination." Pike stood up, "You should rest, but in the morning before you get out of bed, I want you to do that same exercise again. You'll need to repeat it as often as you are capable until you can step inside the box you created."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim nodded. "I can do that," he said. Strangely, he had no doubt that with some effort, he could train himself to do this unguided. It went against his habits, but that hardly dissuaded him. "And then--provided you're here--I can call on you again?"

[iron-command.livejournal.com]

"You may," Pike confirmed, "I trust you will work at this exercise until you have achieved it." The expression on his face, and the tone of his voice, was highly reminding of strict teachers from the past. "If you'll excuse me, I think it wise not to leave Spock for too long."

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim raised his eyebrows at Pike's tone. Pike was not his commander--he was his mentor in this, yes, but Pike spoke to him like a unruly cadet. Luckily, it amused Jim more than anything else, in this moment.

"Of course," he said, rising and noting for the first time the stiffness that indicated they'd been sitting still for some time. "Give my best to him."

[iron-command.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the tone came from the unruliness he sensed in Jim, instinctively returning to the attitude he took towards the cadets in the Academy. "I will. Rest well." He paused, then turned crisply on his heel and left the room without another look back.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim stared after him, his own farewell cut off, and shrugged. He'd made progress, sure, but it wasn't enough. Unruly or not, Jim had always been utterly serious about his training.

He'd work at it as often as he could. And present Pike with his success far earlier than the man suspected.

But for now, he'd promised to tell Spock he was all right.

Spock? Pike's left. We've had our first lesson.

[sehlatbear.livejournal.com]

Indeed, Jim?

Spock sounded half-distracted, caught in the middle of a thought. But he sharpened as he processed what Jim had said.

What did you learn from him?

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

I... found my place. He sounded vaguely disbelieving and vaguely proud. Where my bonds are. And he's set me to creating a box I can put my self in. You okay, Spock? This a bad time?

[sehlatbear.livejournal.com]

Now is quite acceptable. I was merely considering something.

Spock considered the opportunity to speak with his mate more important than his ponderings about the suitability of Nero as a mate for Ael.

Your place. Your inner place, then. Will you tell me of it?

His pride in Jim was much less vague.

[original-fine.livejournal.com]

Jim squirmed like a puppy in the glow of Spock's approval in this, Spock's realm of expertise. Not that he'd admit the similarity.

It's a meadow--it's a lot like a place I found on shore leave, once. Long yellow grass, wildflowers, ringed by grey-blue mountains. The sunlight suffuses everything without being overpowering. And you--you and Bones--are shafts of light. A laugh ripped in his mind. Sounds like a terrible greeting card, doesn't it?